no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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