it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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