hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's always time for handjobs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
