we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
