oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
