the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
