She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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