Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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