How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
