either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
