Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm passing your future prison.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
