just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
