All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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