She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
