I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
