true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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