I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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