I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
