another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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