I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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