I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
