hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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