I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
