I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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