Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
