at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
