He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Welp...herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
