don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
