I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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