wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
