I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
