you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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