I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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