I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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