I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
