Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
