you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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