24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
