If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
