That's intense
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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