her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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