Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
