Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
