My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
