I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is Oprah even human
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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