Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I did not marry a roomba.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
