Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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