I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
