i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
