Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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