Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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