I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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