No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
