Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
