At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
