"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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