you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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